Historical Figures’ Cleverest Verbal Retorts



Some of history’s most well known figures also had a knack for clever and witty comeback lines. See which people had a sharp tongue that tended to cut any person willing to verbally challenge them.

Calvin Coolidge Vs. Some Random Lady At A White House Dinner



Oscar Wilde Vs. Lewis Morris


Morris had just been passed over for the Poet Laureateship.
Winston Churchill Vs. George Bernard Shaw


Winston Churchill Vs. Lady Astor


Calvin Coolidge Vs. An Opera Singer


Muhammad Ali Vs. Joe Frazier


Winston Churchill Vs. A Member Of Parliament


Winston Churchill Vs. Bessie Braddock


Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Vs. An Admirer


Miriam Hopkins Vs. An Anonymous Singer


Ilka Chase Vs. An Anonymous Actress


John Wilkes Vs. John Montagu


Mohandas Gandhi Vs. Western Civilization


Edna Ferber Vs. Noel Coward


Coward was remarking upon the fact that Ferber was wearing a tailored suit.
James McNeill Whistler Vs. Oscar Wilde


After Whistler had made a particularly witty observation.
Pierre Trudeau Vs. Richard Nixon


Upon hearing that Nixon had called him an asshole.
Thomas Reed Vs. Henry Clay


Earnest Hemingway Vs. William Faulkner


John Barrymore Vs. A Woman In The Lady's Room


Barrymore was drunkenly urinating in the wrong bathroom, and turned to face his accuser, penis in hand.
Robert Benchley Vs. A Man In Uniform


Niels Bohr Vs. A Reporter


Groucho Marx Vs. A Contestant on "You Bet Your Life"


After the contestant revealed that he was a father of 10.
Henry Clay Vs. Massachusetts Senator Daniel Webster


After seeing a pack of mules walk by.
Alcibiades Vs. Pericles


Abraham Lincoln Vs. Stephen Douglas


After Douglas called him "two-faced" during a debate:
Bill Clinton Vs. Dan Quayle


After Quayle revealed that he planned to be "a pit bull" in the 1992 campaign against Clinton and Gore.
Reverend Edward Everett Hale Vs. The U.S. Senate


When asked if he prayed for the Senators.
Senator Fritz Hollings Vs. Henry McMastor


When challenged by his Republican opponent during a televised debate to take a drug test.
NY Mayor Ed Koch Vs. Andrew Kirtzman


After the reporter insisted on pressing a point about an inconsistent statement Koch had made.
Abraham Lincoln Vs. A Foreign Diplomat


After the diplomat found Lincoln polishing his boots in his office.
Chief Justice Melville W. Fuller Vs. An Attendee At A Church Conference


After the man ranted against university education and thanked God that he had never been corrupted by going to college.
Dorothy Parker Vs. New Yorker Editor Harold Ross


Parker had been on her honeymoon, when Harold Ross interrupted her to ask why she was late with a book review.

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